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WHEN PARENTS NEED PARENTING…

Honestly.

One of the most frustrating things for me  is to see people who are supposed to be leading like parents but acting like children.  I had about 20 paragraphs of me yelling about parents who tell their children to love their family, while they choose to do and say things that are hurting their children who are members of their family, such as insulting their father or their mother, talk mean about them, ignore them, threatening divorce  etc. etc. etc.  This is what I like to call – HYPOCRITICAL.

At the end of the day, love has to be a choice to not hurt someone but protect and provide for them – in spite of emotions and circumstances.  Too many families have parents telling their children to love each other, while their parents act like children hurting each other.

Examples to love are better than commands to love  – because examples teach love better than commands.

You would have no clue of how to drive a car if you had never seen someone drive a car.  Most of the time when we are kids, we think we can drive – not because our dad told us to drive – but because our dad had shown us HOW to drive.  This is why most of us think we do not need to take a driver’s test to drive a car.

So how stupid is it for parents to command their children to love each other when those same parents aren’t  showing their children HOW to love each other?   Love is not a feeling or an emotion but a choice to protect someone and provide for someone in spite of emotions and circumstances.

So what am I trying to tell you ?  No  matter who you are married to or what is going on in your life, you still have to choose to love in spite of emotions and circumstances.  Love that is only  based on emotions and circumstances can’t last because emotions and circumstances always change. If you can’t choose to  show love to your children and your spouse in spite of your emotions and circumstances, you can’t promise them ANYTHING but to let their emotions and circumstances dictate how they will treat other people!!!

Mark my words, if you refuse to choose to love your spouse in spite of your emotions and circumstances, do not be surprised when your children choose to not love you because of their emotions and circumstances. That is the example you have set for them, and they will follow it. This says love is only because of your emotions and your circumstances, but when you tell your children that love is only a result of an emotion and a circumstance, you are teaching your children to treat you and others badly when bad emotions or circumstances arise.  You are only going to be good to others when you have good emotions and good circumstances, but you will be bad to others when you have bad emotions and bad circumstances.  Who wants to marry someone or be the child of someone who says “I love you, which means I will only be good to you when it is convenient for me or when I feel like it.”

Yet, this is exactly what a parent is doing when they say “I love your mother” or “I love your father” and then hurt them because of their emotions and circumstances.  Someone needs to be a parental figure to these parents who are acting like children because children hurt their family because of their emotions and circumstances but good parents punish such behavior because they want their children to not hurt their family but love them – even when they do not feel like or it is difficult.  This is what a good parent does for their child.

I could write books on this, but I’m just going to try to stop with this paragraph.  Christian people – in particular – need to realize that when they hurt their spouse – with words or deeds – it hurts their children.  If you say you love mommy and you speak bad about her and to her, your children will think that is what love looks like.  If you say you love daddy and you speak bad about him and to him, your children will think that is what love looks like. If a father hurts a mother because of his emotions and circumstances, he is hurting their children who are intimately attached to their mother – regardless of his emotions and circumstances.    If you love someone, you choose to protect and provide for them – in spite of emotions and circumstances, rather than hurt them because of your emotions and circumstances.   Love is not something you feel or somewhere you fall – it is something that you do and something that you choose to do.

I resist the urge to continue… Don’t agree with me?  Well then comment and we’ll debate the issue.

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3 thoughts on “WHEN PARENTS NEED PARENTING…

  1. From one of the teenage girls who went to Missions Camp one summer ago… You couldn’t have chose a better night to post this. Having a lot of difficulties with my relationship with both of my (divorced) parents lately, and this makes a lot of sense. Guess I should start working on going against the grain of what I was raised in and start loving everyone despite my feelings, because God wants me to and because Jesus set an example for me even though my parents didn’t. :/ You’re awesome, Pastor Ben!

    • Mallory, you just made my day. This issue is destroying the lives of teenagers and children all over America because parents have ideas and emotions that are destructive to their spouse and their children, and they act out on them no matter how it effects their family. You expect this from a child that doesn’t know any better but not an adult who should. I’m proud that you are committing to not let your emotions and circumstances dictate when you love and who you love. Way to go.

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